I recently finished watching "The Lake House" starring Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. A lovely story about 2 people who find themselves writing letters to each other. There is just one slight complication. She is living in 2006 and he is living in 2004. The letters are exchanged through a mailbox at a lake house that both have lived in. Despite the distance of time they fall in love and are able to be there for each other through disappointments and heartaches.
It seems to me that we as a general public tend to be most in love with stories where the more impossible, the more incredible, the more unbelievable the love story, the more we LIKE it! Why? Love is hard enough! Those lucky enough to find it and actually have it reciprocated are blessed beyond words! So why do we like it even more when we add more complications to an already complicated situation? Things like time, age, race, culture, death, disease, language, etc? Because there is something about the nature of love. It knows no boundaries, it is courageous in the face of fear and will fight, even beyond death, to save or protect those in it's care. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
In the film "The Lake House", the two people decide to meet in the future, and the guy doesn't show up. He begs the girl to give him another chance, something must have happened to keep him from meeting her. No, she says later that she let herself get caught up in this lovely dream, but it wasn't meant to be. Later, when talking with his brother about this girl, his brother says he needs a real woman, and his reply is that she was more real to him.
Because God is love, loving someone allows us to partake of a small piece of divinity. "To love another person is to see the face of God." ~ the musical, "Les Miserables". By it's very nature, love is stubborn and fiercely loyal. It does not give up easily, even when the other heart is not so easily persuaded. I suppose, of course, that having never experienced recipricol love (romantically speaking) it is easier for me to talk about unrequited, one sided love. I can't even truly imagine what recipricol love feels like! However, I know the beauty and strength that are part of my loving someone, so if that was ever returned, well, I can imagine that nothing would stand in the way if it was truly God's will. That is the tricky part, isn't it? You may love someone, and they may love you, but if it is not God's will, there is not much to be done. But as my dad is fond of saying, the Lord helps those who help themselves! If two people are not willing to work through whatever barriers there might be between them, etc. then, like all relationships, it will not work out.
"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart." ~ Washington Irving
Being patient and waiting is not something that is easy for us. And sometimes, even for us "hopeful" romantics, the hope itself is what crushes us in the end. One the one hand, how can we possibly live without hope? But similarly, when your heart leaps every time you see that person or you hear there voice, or (with facebook) see that little green dot next to their name ;-) and they completely ignore you, all of your hope comes down and crushes you again, suffocating, and you tell yourself this is it! It is over, I am going to move on! And then the whole process starts again! You love it and you hate it all at the same time! Beacuse, even when the people we love hurt us, and even though that pain can be terrible and great, the happiness that they bring to our lives FAR outweighs the sadness. It is all part of the same thing, you cannot have happiness without sadness, light without dark, beauty without pain. It is the dark, negative, sad part of life that makes the happy, bright, and beautiful part worth living!!
Here is what Joshua Harris has to say about falling in love: "There's nothing else quite like it, and if you've experienced it, you know what I mean. Being in love is a patchwork of a thousand indescribable moments. Nervous energy runs through your body when you think about that special person, which is every waking minute. You lose interest in the dull chores of eating, sleeping, and thinking rationally. You discover that every love song on the radio was written for you. It seems like someone has removed blinders from your eyes, and you can see the world, full of wonder, mystery and happiness." Josh always knows exactly how to say it!!! I love his books!
"Castle" is a good example of this. I wrote a note about all of this back when the season premiered, writing about the tragedy that people cannot be open and honest with each other and tell each other when they love each other. But at the end of the pilot, when Castle's daughter is upset that he going to continue working with Kate, even though things still haven't worked out between them, she asks him a very important question: "Does she make you happy?" and his response? "Yes". "And is that enough?" "For now." Sometimes it is as simple as that. Just being with or around or talking to the one you love, even when you don't know if they will ever love you, and just being happy to be with them, because they have the ability to make your dark days bright, your sad days happy, and open your eyes to the beauty all around you. Even when you feel the despair and hopelessness of the situation, and you think that you cannot possibly go on, and that it is impossible to take one more breath, the happiness that person brings to your life, is MORE important than all of the despair! "If love were a choice, who would choose such exquisite pain." ~ Tuptim, from the film "Anna and the King"
"The one claim I shall make for my own sex, is that we love longest, when all hope is gone." ~ Anne Eliot, Jane Austen's "Persuasion".
What a true mystery love is! "In love you find the oddest combinations: Materialistic people find themselves in lovee with idealists. Clingers fall in love with players; . . .homebodies capture and try to smother butterflies. If it weren't so serious we could laugh at it." ~ George Davis
Now, let's discuss some of the obstacles that seem to be our favorites in films and books when it comes to love:
1.) Distance.
More than anything else, the hardest thing is for people who love each other to be apart. "Love is born with the pleasure of looking at each other, it is fed with the neccessity of seeing each other, it is concluded with the impossibility of separation!" ~ Jose Marti Y Perez. Sometimes, this is when we realize just how deeply we love someone, for when we find ourselves thinking of them when they are gone, and wishing that they were here, that is one of the first signs that you are in big trouble!! ;-)
In "The Lake House" there is a wonderful song by Paul McCartney: "This Never Happened Before", and it talks about lovers not going it alone, "it's not so good when you're on your own", etc. Great song!! In the world of cyberspace, keeping in touch with those one loves is pretty easy, you can even see and talk to each other now! This, of course, never makes up for being together in the same room, but let's remember that for centuries, lovers were parted, due to the natural events of life. Travel took months, not days or hours as it does now. You had to write letters, with a pen and ink!! and wait weeks, maybe even months before receiving a reply! Now, in our modern age, we are all in such a hurry! "Can miles truly separate you from friends . . . If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?" ~ Richard Bach I know that for me, that is very true. When I love someone they are always with me, no matter the distance, I can see them everywhere and feel their presence, this is part of the beauty of it all! As the saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It is not easy, and I imagine it is the most difficult thing in the world to be apart from the one you truly love, but so long as your heart continues to beat to the rhythm of theirs, you are never truly separated. My parents met in Germany while they were in high school, someday I will tell you all that story, but when they returned to the States they were living on opposite sides of the country! When it is right, it will work out. Trust God!!
2.) Culture (language, etc)
Finally, it is becoming less taboo to be in a "inter-racial" relationship. For so long, especially in America for some stupid reason, the very thought of marrying someone who was not of the same "race" was considered . . . well, I won't go into that. What is interesting, to me, is that when it comes to caucasians, we must be fighting for our own survival when it comes to inter racial marriages, cause we all know how weak our genes are!!! you put a caucasian with any other race and the kids are always going to look nothing like the caucasian parent! They are WAY cuter!!! hahahaha! True!!! Honestly, I don't get the problem people have with it, if two people are in love.
Now, I will however, address my own feelings on the subject: I can completely relate to people who have an issue with marrying someone who is not from their own country and, therefore does not share the same native language and the same cultural identity. I totally get that! Communication is key in any relationship! If two people fall in love and speak different languages it IS their responsiblity (I believe) to each learn the other's native tongue. What an incredible opportunity to learn so much more about each other, and your kids will be bi-lingual! That is awesome!! I don't feel that people get hung up on language so much as culture. It has to do with our own personal identities, etc. For example, I willl never be able to fully understand what the people in Albania have been through. Their cultural identity is scarred in such a way, that I, as an American will never be able to completely get it. And vice versa. Someone who is not American cannot understand what 9/11 did to the American physche.
But, in my experience, when you fall in love with someone from another culture, the fact that they ARE from a different culture, is usually a HUGE part of WHY you love them!!! And of course, we all know we love complications in relationships! What better way to complicate it, then to have been born in different countries, speak different languages, eat different foods, have different customs, etc. But that is what is so miraculous and wonderful about it! You learn their language, their customs, their cultural heritage and take it in as part of your own because you love the person, you love who they are, and what made them that way, what shaped them! Yeah, there are going to be miscommunications, there are going to be times when you might just not get it! But that happens in EVERY relationship! If you love someone you will work through it!
3.) Age
I don't have so much to say about this one, though it is strongly linked to culture and language differences. It is all relative. It depends on so many things. I'm not one to be hung up on age, though, when I think about it, probably 80% of the guys I have liked have been younger than I. . . .hmmm . . . interesting.
4.) Unrequited Love
This is of course, a part of every person's life. We all have our stories about "the one that got away". So many people have experienced that most dreaded of moments when you have confessed how you feel and they give you the kiss of death! "I just want to be friends, or I just thought of you as a friend or a sister or a brother, etc." Or, perhaps, as in the case of Snape in the Harry Potter books, you never tell them your feelings and you go through your whole life loving someone and watching as they fall in love with someone else, etc. The mark of a true hopeless romantic is one who only loves once. A hopeful romantic will know that the possibility of another love is always therer. The hardest part of this is when you fall for someone you are already friends with (all great loves begin this way) and you know that when you tell them how you feel, that it will change the relationship. You are risking losing the friendship, cause some people cannot be friends when they know the other person wants more. That is really sad. I would think that despite whether or not I felt the same way about someone, that I could remain friends with them, and even cherish their friendship more because of their bravery to offer me their heart. I know this is what holds me back, but if the person is truly your friend and loves you in that way, I would think they would only love you more and feel ever so grateful!! Cause let's admit it: Anyone telling you they love you are want to spend more time with you, etc is a pretty, damn fantastic, incredible, wonderful, amazing thing!!!!! How could you not love the person just a little in return for giving you something so precious? Speaking for myself, I wouldn't know. I tend to repel the guys I like, and only in one case did I actually manage to remain friends with a guy, who eventually ended up in a monastery! :-) So, I wait for the day when someone will tell me that they think I might, just might be the one.
5.) Illness and Death
Here is a hard one. If you have ever seen a movie like "A Walk to Remember" (or read the book) then you know that it seems like the phrase "life sucks, then you die" is more true than you could possibly EVER want it to be!! If you love someone and then find out that they are going to die, it is the most heart breaking and terrible thing and the most wonderful and incredible thing at the same time!! As the popular saying from "The Princess Bride" goes: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." :-) You feel bitter and angry with the whole world when something like this happens. What have done that God should smite you??!! "Why love, if losing hurts so much?" is a question C.S. Lewis asked himself when his wife was dying of cancer. Now THAT is a fantastic love story!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't have time to go into it right now, but she was a twice divorced, jewish american (for a time an ardent communist) who wrote to Lewis and they fell in love. She wrote to a friend of hers, "Now I know the poets and the movies are right. It exists." Theirs is one of the most classic examples of a love story that seems hopeless and yet, it worked out, and it was real too!!! A real, true love affair! So beautiful. In the film "Shadowland" which you MUST see if at all possible, she tells him that their happiness is not going to last, and he asks that they not talk about it, and spoil the time they have together. She says "It doesn't spoil it. It makes it real. The pain then is part of the happiness now. That's the deal." So, in the knowledge that they will soon lose each other, their happiness, in a way, is made complete.
So, in conclusion (finally!! you are thinking! ;-) I suppose that what I want to say is that love never ceases to amaze me. Whether it be in novels, on stage, on the silver screen or in real life, love is amazing!
"Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfil them, fr it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves." ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Because we are so weak, in all of our imperfections, love is what makes us stronger! It binds us to each other and allows us to draw upon each other's strengths. Because love is what makes us better than who we are, it allows us to rise above the petty selfishness of our everyday concerns, it pushes us out into the world others, allowing pain, sorrow and suffering into our lives, but with the benefit of absolute joy, happiness, and contentment. Because the very act of loving someone is what makes each and every one of us a better someone!
"I don't know, but i believe that some things are meant to be and that you make a better me, every day I love you. . . I know that I am truly blessed, every day I love you." ~ Boyzone song, "Every Day I Love You"
Because it is stronger than we are, that it turns us into better human beings, this is why we love "hopeless" romantic movies.
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