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Please make yourself at home! I have a great many interests and enjoy writing about them from time to time. I also write some short fiction and appreciate criticism as well as praise.

The title of this blog comes from my own heritage: I am half Scottish (thistle), a quarter English (rose) with a dash of Irish (shamrock) and German thrown in for good measure. Also, it sounds very much like the name of some obscure pub one often encounters when traveling through the British Isles, so pour youself a pint and enjoy!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Lure of the Phantom ~ Part Twelve

Where are you, Mademoiselle?” asked Dr. Reynald.
            
“I am at the Opera house.  I am on my way down the hall to my dressing room. I…I have come to discover, once and for all who my Angel of Music really is. 
            
"I have been hypnotized by the beauty of his spirit and have come to love him in my own way.  He gave me what no other person could ever do, no, not even my father.  He gave me the courage to sing with a passion and with such feeling that I never thought was possible.  However, he also frightens me, by the power over me that he possesses.  Also, in this strange world behind the stage, he has become such an omniscient presence.  He is almost like a god watching over his small kingdom.   A god who has power over life and death. But beyond all this, there is something else…something that frightens me even more.  It is this deep irrepressible desire that stirs inside me every time that I am near him.  I do not understand these feelings that have been awakened.  I only know that when I am near him I want nothing more than to be near him forever, to drown myself forever in the endless depths of his voice and his music.   I do believe that I would then truly find paradise on this earth!  But then, I am reminded of the reality of what that would mean.  To be shut away from the rest of the world forever!  To never again see the sunlight!  To never be able to share with him all the usual joys that lovers share!  I am reminded of how Raoul’s eyes light up every time I walk into the room.  I think of how safe I feel in his presence.  I think about the children we would have, if we married.  There is so much in life that I have yet to discover and if I go back to Erik and tell him that I will stay with him, I will be missing so much!  I know that Erik will kill Raoul if I decide to remain with him.  I do not wish to bring down his terrible anger upon poor Raoul, whose only crime is that he loves me.  As I reach the door of my dressing room, I am filled with a powerful premonition, a premonition of tragedy!  I rush into my room fearing the worst. 
  
"As soon as I enter I know that he is here in the room with me.  The air is full of sadness and heartbreak.  I hear his voice, no longer beautiful and angelic, but human, and broken with the sadness that I know I have brought upon him. 
            
“'I told you never to reveal anything about me to anyone.  Why would you betray me?'" 
            
"I took a deep breath, prepared to meet his accusation with one of my own, 'You have betrayed me as well.  You killed Joseph Buquet didn't you? Because he was warning me against you!  Why should he have done that?  And why would you dispose of him for it?  Do you have such little faith in the love I bare you?  What is this terrible secret that you hide, even from me?'  Silence pervaded the room.  I feared that perhaps I might have angered him so much that he had fled from me, never to return.  But just as I began to turn towards the door, I heard the mirror open on its pivot and I slowly turned around to see his gloved hand pushing the mirror aside.  I went over to the mirror and stepped into the hall, as he closed the mirror behind me.  We stood thus, looking at each other from across the hall. I found it nearly impossible to look him in the eyes.  When I finally found the courage I saw all the misery of the world reflected in those eyes.  I watched as his eyes gazed at me in pure worship as he put his hand to the top of the mask to lift it away…
           
"I did not notice any particular difference in his appearance at first, for it was dark in the hall and I was still looking into his eyes.  Then, he reached up for a torch and brought it to his face so that I could see.  It was more than just a birth defect, it was a face scarred by the anguish and suffering of life.  I felt the tears come to my eyes and brim over.  The next thing I knew, he was holding me as I sobbed like a child wrapped in his arms.  This was the first time that we had ever had real physical contact and I felt the strength of his arms around me.  The gentle touch of his hand as it stroked my hair.  We sat there on the floor for quite some time, me sobbing for all the miserable sadness that he had to endure, as he slowly told me the sad story of his life. 

"As he was ending his tale, I began to dry my tears and looked up at him.  I smiled, 'My dear Erik, if it is within my power to bring you some real happiness and contentment, then let me do so, for I think my heart should break if I think of you continuing your life down here all alone.'  He pushed away from me with a force that knocked the wind out of me.  I stared up at him in disbelief as he towered over me, his voice filled with stern disapproval.

'No!   I dare not ask you to waste away the best part of your life with a creature dares not go out into the light of day.  No, I believe that you say this only out of pity.  I cannot expect you to do this.'  I slowly got to my feet; I stood before him, slowly putting my right hand on his face, caressing the scars and crevices of a face that barely looked human.  He seemed stunned at first by my touch but slowly, as if I were taming a wild animal, he relaxed, and at that moment, I reached up and kissed him gently on the lips.  I felt his body stiffen, and then, suddenly, passionately, he kissed me back, enveloping me in his embrace.  Then, just as suddenly he pushed me away.  The look in his eyes was almost too heartbreaking to bear.  They were filled with a mixture of complete and utter joy, but still he felt that he could not condemn me to live with him in the darkness.  I knew then, that it was hopeless.  I knew in that single moment that though I believed with all my heart that we were soul mates, destined to be together, I also knew, that we could not be together now.  I slowly lowered my head feeling deeply the defeat of our love in this lifetime.  Everything was against us, and we were powerless to stop it.  He gently raised my head, looked into my eyes and said, “One day, you will look across a crowded room and see a stranger you have known forever, and it will be me.”  Those were the last words that I ever had from him, for as soon as the last words left his lips, he turned and disappeared.

"I slowly made my way back through the passages of the Opera house and left it, never to return.  Three months later, Raoul and I were married.  I never spoke of Erik again, and Raoul never asked.  But there were times when I would wake after a night filled with dreams of my beloved Angel of Music when I would look over at Raoul who would have a sad puzzled look on his face as though he knew exactly what I had dreamed.  Our lives were fairly peaceful.  We had two children.   Two years after our daughter Clare was born, she became terribly ill, and Raoul had to take Francis, who was then only 7, away to the country so that he would remain out of harms way.  The doctor told us that the fever was terribly contagious and advised that I hire a trained nurse, but I refused.  He told me of the danger there was that I might contract the deadly fever myself, but I refused to leave my child alone.  I will never forget the third terrible night of her illness.  She was tossing and turning all night, and I could barely keep my eyes open any longer.   I dozed off for a while, and as I awoke to the sound of the church bell ringing I opened my eyes to see a dark figure hovering over my daughter’s bed.  I cried out.  For, in my own delirium I thought it was the angel of death, come to take my darling from me at last and relieve her from her suffering.  But I was so exhausted that I fell back onto the day bed and did not awake until the doctor tapped me on the shoulder the following morning.  As I opened my eyes and saw his grave face, I remembered the strange apparition I had seen that night and felt that I would die of a broken heart.  When suddenly I heard a voice, a small feeble voice, but one that no longer sounded as though it’s owner were on the brink of death. I lifted my head to see my darling Clare sitting up!  I ran to her and embraced her.  “Mama, I feel much better now that my guardian angel has come to visit me.”  Her words shocked me into a numb disbelief.  I went through the next few days, writing to family and friends informing them of the miraculous event that had taken place, and preparing for the return of my husband and son, in a daze of bewilderment.  It must have been Erik who had come to the rescue of my daughter!  I found myself feeling as though I could never repay him for everything he had done for me, and yet I felt more confident then ever, knowing that he was watching over my family and me.

"Thus, the years passed and my children grew to adulthood, and married, and had children of their own.  Stories passed among the children about the family’s “guardian angel”.   I always found the stories very touching and at times, terribly amusing.  Raoul, however, forbade the stories ever to be told in his presence, and more than once a child or grandchild felt the slap of his hand for telling stories.  I only contradicted him in this once. He turned to face me with a look of such terrible anger and sadness, that I never spoke of it again, and made sure that none of the children did either.”

At this point, Kathy’s face began to change, and she slowly began to wake up. She felt a little dazed but was able to remember every word she had said and was filled with awe.  She then heard Dr. Reynald telling her friends that she (Kathy) should sleep soundly for over 4 hours, before she would awake.  Kathy closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep, so she might hear what Dr. Reynald had to say about what had just transpired.

“I am truly amazed!  It is highly unusual for any individual to be able to remember so much about a previous life.”

“Dr. Reynald! That is ridiculous!  We don't believe in reincarnation!  It is a preposterous romantic idea!  Surely, you, a man of science, do not believe in it.” Cried Mrs. Longmont.

“Indeed, my dear Madame, it is something I have long felt is a true phenomenon. Surely, you cannot doubt what you have just heard.  I assure you that everything she said was true.  On my way here, I stopped at the archives to speak with my brother, who has access to all of the Chagny family journals and letters, these things were not available at the time that Leroux wrote his novel.  How do you explain that Kathy knew details that no one else could have known? There is only one reference in the letters about the family “guardian angel”.  It is found in a letter that has only just in the last 6 months been found. Clare wrote the letter to her mother 20 years after her remarkable recovery.  No one else could possibly know of that!  No, there is no doubt in my mind that this is a case of real true reincarnation.  I highly recommend that you arrange to have Kathy taken back to America at once.   There is too much of a risk that she will become obsessed to a point where she will cease to exist.  It is very likely that the previous life may become like an alternate personality, and may in time, become dominant.  Therefore she may actually become Christine Daae, and loose all sense of whom she truly is.”  

As he looked at Mrs. Longmont and Julie, he realized that his point had come across, and they assured him of their cooperation as they walked him to the door.  Kathy stiffened.  “They cannot make me leave!  Not when I am so close!  I must leave, but I must wait till they go to bed.”

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