Alice I have wanted to be

When I was six years old, I wanted to be Alice from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".  I went around telling everyone that my name was Alice.  Most specifically this was when we were going to England, Europe, and the Holy Land in 1988.  I actually remember telling people that was my name.  My parents were worried that someone would think I was being kidnapped, with my telling everyone I had a different name that the one that appeared on my passport.   Fortunately, that never occurred. 

My father told me about a new novel entitled: "Alice I Have Been" by Melanie Benjamin.  It is a historical novel about Alice Pleasance Hargreaves, maiden name: Liddell who was the inspiration for the girl who went down a  rabbit hole and lost her way in Wonderland.  I was immediately captivated and (for me) devoured it.  I rarely ever cry when I read.  I am a big movie cryer but I cannot name more than 7 or so books that I have cried over. (They include "Where the Red Fern Grows", Harry Potter #4, 6, &7, and now "Alice I have Been"). 

The book has three basic parts which cover her childhood, young adult life and later life, from marriage, children to widowhood, etc. There is a photograph of the real Alice Liddell before each section:

 This was photographed by Charles Dodgeson (Lewis Carroll) when she was 7 years old.  His  little "gypsy" girl.  And yes, it was VERY unusual for a girl in the 1850's to have such short hair.  According to the novel, her hair was originally very stringy, and her mother had it cut short.  I must admit that even I was surprised to discover that the "real" Alice had short black hair and not the common long blonde locks we are so used to seeing.  Interestingly though, when I was her age, my hair was cut short too.  But mostly because I would not keep it brushed and clean when it was long.   This first section covers her early life until she is about 11 or so, just after the book was finally written.  She asked Dodgson to write it down for her, and hounded him about it until he did so.  (She did not even read the book until many years later).The scene where he is taking this photograph, actually made me very uncomfortable.  Although the line was never crossed (that we know of, and I prefer to think of it this way) according to Lewis Carroll biographers, etc.  apparently he did have a "thing" for little girls.  That had never occurred to me, however this and other events  based on as true an account as could be gotten, do explain the very sudden rift between Dodgson and the Liddell family.

 This picture is at the begining of the second section and although it begins when she is 23, this picture was actually taken when she was 18, and not by Dodgson.  (I don't think she was all that attractive, myself, though I will show you some more and you can make up your own mind.  )This section is mostly to do with the possibility that she was in love with Queen Victoria's youngest son, Leopold, and he her.  Though there is no actual "proof" of this, he did send her a diamond horseshoe shaped brooch for her wedding and she wore it that day.  He named his first daughter Alice and she named her second son Leopold.  There's was, of course, a doomed romance because of her association with and the rumors about her relationship with Dodgson.

Finally we see this picture of her in her old age.  She did marry, though not till she was 28, and had three sons.  The two elder ones died in WWI and her husband from grief soon afterwards.  Though she did not love him when she married him, she discovered that she did, but too late.  When she was widowed she had many problems managing what was left of their estate, Cuffnells, and with no where else to turn to, she found herself finally reading the book, whose heroine had been based upon herself.  She sold the first hand written edition from Dodgson at an auction and was able to use the money to maintain herself in comfort till her death in 1932 at the age of 82.  While visiting America, she met the 30 year old Peter Llewelyn-Davies who was the "real" Peter Pan.  They were both able to speak a language no one else could understand.  However, Alice had "asked for it", whereas Peter had not.  When he asks her how she could stand it all these years, she tells him, " I suppose, at some point, we all have to decide which memories - real or otherwise - to hold on to, and which ones to let go."  Sadly, the "real" Peter killed himself in 1960 at the age of 63.  He threw himself under a train.

So, yeah, sadly we all have to grow up.  Even those who are immortalized in fiction forever must grow up and die.  However ". . . one part of her will always be the determined, undaunted Alice of the story, who discovered that life beyond the rabbit hole was an astonishing journey."  If you like Victorian Historical Fiction then I highly reccomend this book, it was and incredible journey through the twists and turns of the human heart, about a girl who believed that love was there for the taking and confidently reached out for it, and a woman, who realizes that she has truly loved her husband all along.  It was moving and tender, frightening and tragic. It was a story about life.

Here are some more pictures:

 It was truly, a most fascinating book.

I give it 5 stars! *****